If you’re only casually following baseball these days, or not at all, it’s probably time to introduce you to Tony Gonsolin. He’s one of the many Dodgers pitching prospects that have become good in the Majors and why we’ll probably never be rid of them. Even with Dustin May and Walker Buehler off on the Tommy John Farm, the Dodgers just keep ticking thanks to guys like Gonsolin.
Last night, after hurdling over the ankle-height obstacle that is the Cubs, he moved to 11-0. He leads baseball with a 1.54 ERA. By other metrics, like FIP or WAR, he’s not the best pitcher in baseball. He’s gotten a little lucky, but the Dodgers put a great defense behind him so it’s prudent to use it, as he doesn’t strike out an abnormal amount of hitters. He’s been using a splitter more this season that’s found more dive than in previous years. But that’s not important now. The 11-0 record and ERA lead assuredly mean he’ll start the All-Star game, combined with it being in Dodger Stadium. It lines up.
He also looks like he lives under a trailer, and if he showers more than once a week it’s only in whatever local swimmin’ hole he can find. We happened to find out the things that Gonsolin prefers for his pregame spread (we most definitely did not). We share it with you so you can learn more about the National League’s likely starter come the Midsummer Classic.
- squirrel tartare
- Badger Nuggets
- Whatever that brownish stuff is that grows around trees
- have skewers
- roadkill kaboom
- charred char
- Live bat (keeps it from getting gamey that way)
- Varmint a la hobo
- Weevil with a side of tree bark
- Gristle pops
- Beard Leavin’s
Should he start Game 1 of the World Series, you can look for any of these items to replace Dodger Dogs at the concession stands (and they’ honestlyd be better than Dodger Dogs anyway, as Dodger Dogs should only be used to snake your shower drain).